Practically everything we do in life involves some form of communication, so it’s important to improve those skills as it can have a very positive impact on your day to day life. Having confidence in verbal communication is particularly important. People make judgements about each other based not only on how we behave but also on what we say. The words we use and how we say them are a vital part of communication skills. If you feel that your vocabulary is lacking, there is no better way to improve that than reading good quality books and publications. Not only will it expand your vocabulary but it will also assist you in expressing ideas and opinions, all of which will increase your verbal confidence.

Confident people are able to communicate verbally in an assertive and positive way. They never try to dominate the conversation and know that listening is as essential a skill as speaking. They know that assertive verbal communication is a way to ensure their needs are met whilst still paying attention to the needs of others. They do not adopt a passive communication style that leaves other people feeling rather unsure or frustrated. Passive communication includes the overuse of hesitations and “empty” language that is simply used to fill any gaps because the speaker is not confident in what they are talking about or are guarding their true thoughts and feelings on the matter.

Confidence in verbal communication involves expressing your thoughts and opinions and knowing you have the right to do so. Again, the needs of others are considered. In this context, assertive communication does not mean using bullying or obnoxious language to insult or belittle other people in order to get them to do what you want. It is only people without any true personal confidence or personal power who use language in this way. Truly confident people use language effectively but with an awareness of how their words can impact on others. Verbal confidence means expressing your needs, feelings and wishes in a non-judgemental and non-threatening way and it also means not de-valuing your words by linking them with hesitancy or contradiction or uncertainty. Confident people always express themselves clearly which is extremely beneficial to others as they give clear and concise information about their needs and wishes. It is often when people are confused or have misunderstood something during a discussion or conversation that frustration and anger comes to the fore. With clear communication, conflicts rarely occur.

So how do you develop confidence in verbal communication? Well, assertive communication often involves the use of the word “I” and is followed by your opinion, thought or feeling. It shows also that you are taking responsibility for those thoughts and feelings, rather than implying someone else is behind them. It can be hard for a person lacking confidence to assert themselves in this way and to make requests, especially if they feel that they do not deserve to have their needs met. This is very common in many people and hinders them in asking for help. Another difficult situation is if you are required to confront someone about something. Confrontation is all too often a daunting prospect as most people assume it always involves arguments and unpleasantness. Yet in confident communication, this doesn’t have to be the case. By using confident and assertive language, you can calmly state your case, taking responsibility for your opinions and thoughts and then allow the other person the chance to do the same. This is the most effective way to deal with disagreements and disputes. Confident communicators are always aware that everyone involved must have a chance to speak.

Along with voicing opinions and requesting, confidence in verbal communication also requires being able to say “no”. Refusals are often seen as negative, yet they are essential. A confident person will not overburden themselves by accepting a project or extra workload they know they will struggle to accomplish. Women especially find it difficult to say no, feeling that they should be eternally helpful and caring. Yet, the confident communicator will know that it is far better to be honest and refuse someone’s request than initially accept only to fail later on to complete the task and therefore disappoint and frustrate others. When refusing a request, it is best to keep your answer simple and give a quick explanation. Your honesty will be appreciated and respected. Do not feel you have to apologise for refusing a request or disagreeing with someone. Remember that verbal confidence requires respect – not only for other people but also respect for yourself.