How To Gain Self-Confidence In The Society

Article by Sam Scott

People who live much in solitude are often surprized to find themselves awkward and embarrassed when obliged to enter society. Only through practise and familiarity can one acquire ease, grace, and self-confidence.

At first the painter holds his brush with fear and trembling, because of conscious lack of skill. Even the public speaker owes his first embarrassment not to lack of brains and ability, but simply to insufficient practise.

The first thing, therefore, for an individual to do to gain self-confidence in society is to move as much as possible among people. He must become one of them, enter into their interests, be capable of indulging in small talk on occasion, and above all know how to be a good listener. By this we mean he should be able to become absorbed in what another people are saying, even though he would prefer to be elsewhere.

There are many people who speak well and fluently to one person at a time, but in the company of many are stricken suddenly dumb and helpless. Their self-consciousness is superinduced by a false idea that all eyes are upon them, and that they must necessarily appear to disadvantage.This supersensitiveness sometimes leads to many kinds of foolish fear, rendering the victim awkward and artificial. To this class belongs the blush-persecuted person who mistakenly thinks he is the subject of constant and critical examination. His mind is so completely absorbed in himself that he has no thought for anything else. So consequently he blunders, apologizes, and generally misconducts himself.

Be well groomed that you may feel self-confident in your dress and appearance. You cannot feel entirely at your ease when you know you are not attired as you should be. Clothes do not make the man, it is true, but they play an important part in the impression he makes upon others. Dress is an expression of a person’s taste and individuality. Well-fitting clothes may testify to care and good judgment in other matters.

In entering the gates of society, one should be self-confident, but not too much so. There is much to learn and observe. There are rights and limitations to be respected.

For example, sarcasm should be used seldom, if at all. It is a dangerous weapon, and sometimes cuts like a two-edged sword. Slang does not lend grace and refinement to speech. Wit and humor should be used sparingly. These and many other little things are worthy of care from one who essays to bear himself self-confidently before others.

In society one must talk upon a great variety of subjects. A man should, therefore, have a sort of ‘current-events’ education. His newspaper and magazine will give him information upon topics of the day. Society is the schoolhouse of good manners. We recognize the breeding of a man first, and his abilities afterward.

Unfailing courtesy teaches a man to say the right word and to do the right thing. This is the politeness that has been called ‘benevolence in little things.’

A sincere speaker may pay a delicate compliment without descending to flattery. A word of well-deserved praise is always acceptable, and makes a man forever welcome in the society of good people. Politics and theology are not safe subjects for easy conversation. A contradictory man is usually counted a bore and a nuisance. An arrogant man, whose word is law, and who resents the slightest opposition. When he stalks forth, the only thing to do is to subside into silence and let him stalk and talk.

The man with the too long story will be made uncomfortable in intelligent society. Topics are treated lightly and, above all, briefly. You may tell a story, but you must cut it to the bone. If you do not cut it short, you will be cut into and before you are half-way through, another person will have begun and finished his, and your audience will have gone over to the enemy.

Nobody should live unto themselves. Silence and solitude if long protracted have a depressing effect upon all the noblest elements in a person.

Let a man, then, go into society with high spirit and generous bearing, and these qualities will be reflected back to him. Too high-minded for petty things, he will see the best in others and they will see the best in him.

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Tags: Gain, SelfConfidence., Society