How to Gain Confidence and Self Esteem – Forget Your Past and Embrace Your Future

Article by Nick Daniels

How to gain confidence and self esteem is a commonly asked question, and for good reason. The majority of todays population have either had or do in fact have issues with their self esteem and confidence, yet lack the proper knowledge and methods of how to overcome these problems and transform themselves into socially successful beings.

Let’s get something straight. It is not your fault that you lack self esteem and confidence. We as human beings are born with an innate desire to socialise with those around us to due the immediate benefits companionship provides. You are no exception. However, past experiences play a major role in our current behaviours, and those who have experienced negative social stimuli in their past such as bullying or rejection generally have a tendency to develop lower levels of self esteem and confidence. Once again, this is not your fault. Your mind had simply reacted to a stimuli and decided on the best possible route in order to avoid further altercations.

The problem with this, however, is in the fact that it creates a ‘snowball’ effect. Because of the negative stigma we associate with doing a certain action or involving ourselves in a certain situation we simply avoid it, which in turn only worsens our position. Think of a time you have been to afraid to try something daunting because of a previously bad experience with something closely related to it; were you left with feelings of guilt and regret for days after, which in turn led you to put yourself down and lower your self esteem and self confidence even more? The fact is, this vicious cycle is responsible for much of your self esteem and self confidence issues.

So then how do you end it and rid yourself of it for good?

Essentially, the key to gaining confidence comes down to two components – forgetting the problems of your past and changing the outlook of your future by altering your present. Slightly confusing, huh? Lets take a closer look.

Forget the problems of your past.

Everyone has things in their past that they wish they could forget. But the good thing about the past is it is exactly that – a time that has long since past. Let go of your past memories, and make an active effort to face your fears in order to quell the lingering memories brooding in your mind. Only through embracing action and making a proactive effort to rid ourselves of our negative stigma can we ever really achieve success in building both self esteem and self confidence.

Change the outlook of your future by altering your present.

Put simply, if you want to see a positive change in your life you must make an active effort in order for this change to commence. This means changing what bothers you at this current point in time in order to eliminate it from your future altogether. As an example, I used to be petrified of talking to women. In order to combat this and improve the outlook of my future I faced my fears head on by talking to ten different women every day for a week. By the end of the fourth day I could feel my confidence rising, and suddenly approaching women and holding a conversation with them didn’t seem as daunting any more. Fast forward to the present day and I now possess no remnant of my once irrational fear. Taking action today allows you to reap the benefit of your work tomorrow.

My point is, this is powerful stuff. But it is ultimately useless unless you actively set out to make the change that you want to see in your life. If you want to experience record levels of self confidence you must be the one out there, every day, facing your fears and working hard to erase the problems of your past.

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Tags: Confidence, Embrace, esteem, Forget, Future, Gain, Past, Self